Creating Legacies

"Does everything then come over again a little differently?... Is there a pattern, a theme, recurring like music; half remembered, half foreseen?"

Virginia Woolf, The Years

During the time that I was working on this activity kit, I had the opportunity to go to see The Lion King musical. Aside from the fact that it was pure theater magic, with its theme of the "circle of life," it was an appropriate evening out. One of the most powerful scenes for me was when the young adult lion Simba is being counseled by Rafiki (who was a baboon shaman in the movie, but was changed to a strong, essential female presence in the theatrical version). Simba laments that his father, the great lion king Mufasa who has been killed, had always assured him he would be there for Simba. But Simba says he can't find him. Rafiki tells Simba to look into a pool of water at his own reflection. "Look deep, look deeper, and deeper still." As Simba suddenly comes to see his father, Rafiki sings the words, "He lives in you, he lives in me. He lives in you, he lives in me." That's the essence of legacy.

The cycle of life is something that happens every day. It is a part of nature. And yet when you stop and think about it, there's nothing ordinary about it. It is awe-inspiring. We stumble through life, doing the best we can. We have our moments of glory, mixed with moments of disappointment. We nurse our wounds and move on, hoping things will get better. Most lives are filled with many surprises. Few proceed "as planned." And all the while we're creating our legacy. Through everything we do, and everything we experience, we build this legacy. As we go on our one-of-a-kind journey, we pass on to others the meaning and specialness of our life, which has never been lived before and will never be lived again.

Said William James, "The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast us." We obviously want to make a difference in the lives of the people we love, our children and grandchildren. But I also think we have an obligation to try to leave a bigger legacy, to make a positive contribution to the world, to "see a little further and do a little better." "History," wrote Thomas Carlyle, "is the essence of innumerable biographies." You must identify with humankind and recognize the contributions you have made and can still make.

To do that, we must struggle with what is versus what can be. Long after we've discovered all the mysteries of the universe, the mystery of ourselves may still remain -- we may still be trying to understand the nature of life and the long-range fate of humanity. There is that fundamental life paradox: glowing ideals and infinite dreams on the one hand, and limited time and physical existence on the other. It is only through working toward wisdom that we can even hope to distinguish between what we can change and what we must accept.

I'm fascinated by the whole idea of wisdom. I'll be exploring it further in upcoming kits that are part of this project. I think wisdom is particularly important today because our fast-paced, technological society tends to devalue it -- to all our peril. Wisdom is insight and knowledge about yourself and the world, and sound judgment in the face of difficult, complex life problems. Since the beginnings of human culture, wisdom has been viewed as the ideal endpoint of human development. Unfortunately, the respect once granted for experience and wisdom has decreased. New technologies and techniques have made the talents of the old, and the old themselves, appear obsolete. We look for answers to the next "newest" trend, to the "hottest" books, to science, to prophets. Yet many of the answers are often found in our own families, in our own connections -- however complicated -- across generations. Where can you find wisdom? In the eyes of elders, in the eyes of children, and in yourself as you bring them together. As the years pass, you recognize bits and pieces of yourself in your children as they grow up, and you see bits and pieces of your parents and grandparents as you grow older.

It's interesting that older adulthood and "retirement" are supposed to be times of frivolity and release from responsibilities. But for many older people, they are a time to pare down their lives to the things they see as most meaningful and essential. Most of our lives are lived for "later"; for older people, now IS later. There is a paradoxical combination of patience and impatience in later life, and with that can come insight. Worship youth and you'll create your own obsolescence. Worship age and you'll look forward to your entire life, and may find wisdom along the way.

As baby boomers approach their older years -- as we look at the transition into what sociologists call "the third age" -- we need a life map that helps us complete our life journey, harvest the wisdom of the years we have lived, and pass on a legacy to future generations. Rather than seeing aging as a downward plunge, legacy is about seeing it as an upward climb toward a higher consciousness that has at its peak meaning and purpose.

This kit is about legacies and action. It's about concrete things you can do to learn from the past, live fully in the present, and build hope for the future. This means...

As a school, get parents, grandparents, teachers, and students together. Run a Grandparents Day event. Make grandparents and other older adults feel welcome in your school, show them what you do, and invite them to help. You need them and they need you. Create a school environment that recognizes and celebrates all generations. Schools can become a place of learning and renewal for both young and old, and can give today's children the future we would most like them to have.

As a community group or social organization, offer leadership in building community. Invite in and celebrate all generations. Recognize that the needs of one generation can often be met by another generation. If you've never done a Grandparents Day event, try it. You might like it. Expand your thinking to bring in volunteers you may not have considered before and build intergenerational programs you may have believed were too far-fetched or difficult. And partner with other groups who might be working with different ages of people than you are to support both your missions.

As a corporation or government department, understand that intergenerational connections are not just nice, they are necessary. Recognize that economies are built with people, and all people have something to contribute. Support the schools and community groups that are out in the field doing work that deserves the recognition that today's multimillionaire sports stars get.

As a grandparent, be proud of your role and where you are in the course of your life. Treasure and celebrate it. You are a VIP! Know that you can choose to make a big difference in your grandchild's life and in your own. Connect your grandchildren to the bigger picture by giving them a sense of the timeless, of who they are and where they have come from. And challenge the stereotypes we hold about growing old. You can create a new vision of old age and a new life map that empowers all generations. This can be your legacy not only to your grandchildren but to all those that follow you.

As a parent, believe that both your parents and your children are an important part of your family. By bringing the generations in your family closer together, you are creating a living legacy and making your job a little easier. It never hurts to have some help, and the more adults children have in their lives as supporters, role models, and teachers, the better the chance that they will grow into strong, mature adults. Give them a life story with hope.

As an individual, know that what you do makes a difference. Think about the legacy you personally want to create. Plan to leave a bit of yourself behind and make the world a better place. A very caring, dedicated friend of mine was feeling down one day and despairing about the problems in this world being just too big. "Where's the hope?" she asked. The obvious answer? "You are the hope," I replied. In your moments of despondency, when you wonder if what you are doing matters and whether anyone cares, know that I care. I thank you, and I know I'm not the only one. Now get back to it.