Grandparents Day: Celebrating
Grandparents and Older Adults

"Grandparents need grandchildren to keep the changing world alive for them. And grandchildren need grandparents to help them know who they are and give them a sense of human experience in a world they cannot know. Here is a model for mutual learning across generations."

Margaret Mead

Grandparents Day is an officially-recognized national holiday. Schools and community groups can also run a Grandparents Day (or Intergenerational Day) as an event at any time during the year.

A Brief History of the National Holiday

National Grandparents Day falls each year on the first Sunday after Labor Day. It is not a holiday invented to sell cards and flowers. It was initiated at the grassroots level by West Virginian Marian Lucille Herndon McQuade, with the behind-the-scenes support of her husband Joseph L. McQuade. They had 15 children, 42 grandchildren, and 9 great-grandchildren. After being married for over 60 years, Mr. McQuade passed away in March, 2001. Mrs. McQuade is now 84 years old.

There are three purposes for the day: 1) To honor grandparents; 2) To give grandparents an opportunity to show love for their children's children; 3) To help children become aware of the strength, information and guidance older people can offer. Mrs. McQuade wanted it to be a family day. Families can enjoy small, private gatherings, perhaps even a family reunion, or participate in community events. On a societal level, National Grandparents Day gives us a chance to publicly affirm the identity and importance of grandparents, that they do play a vital role in families. It is also a day of giving -- giving of self, sharing hopes, dreams, and values, and setting an example for future generations.

Mrs. McQuade has modestly referred to herself as "just a housewife," but her unending work to establish and publicize the holiday marks her as a true community leader. She spent much of her life advocating for older adults. In 1971 she was elected Vice-Chair of the West Virginia Committee on Aging and appointed as a delegate to the White House Conference on Aging. In 1972, Mrs. McQuade's efforts resulted in President Richard Nixon proclaiming a National Shut-in Day. She served as President of the Vocational Rehabilitation Foundation, Vice-President of the West Virginia Health Systems Agency, and was appointed to the Nursing Home Licensing Board, among many other involvements.

Mrs. McQuade started her campaign for a day to honor grandparents in 1970. She worked with civic, business, church, and political leaders to first launch the day in her home state in 1973. Then, after many years, much persuasion, and unending persistence, she finally achieved her bigger goal. It was in 1979 that President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday after Labor Day each year as National Grandparents Day (September was chosen to signify the "autumn" years of life). In part, the proclamation reads:

Grandparents are our continuing tie to the near-past, to the events and beliefs and experiences that so strongly affect our lives and the world around us. Whether they are our own or surrogate grandparents who fill some of the gaps in our mobile society, our senior generation also provides our society a link to our national heritage and traditions.

We all know grandparents whose values transcend passing fads and pressures, and who possess the wisdom of distilled pain and joy. Because they are usually free to love and guide and befriend the young without having to take daily responsibility for them, they can often reach out past pride and fear of failure and close the space between generations.

Mrs. McQuade was thrilled when her efforts were finally realized. "I couldn't believe it," she said. Since the holiday's inception, Mrs. McQuade has been firm in her view that the holiday should not become overly commercialized, and that young and old remember its fundamental spirit.

Grandparents Day was officially adopted in Canada in 1995 to acknowledge the importance of grandparents to "the structure of the family in the nurturing, upbringing, and education of children.... [Grandparents play] a critical role in strengthening the family." Commented one member of Canadian parliament speaking on behalf of the motion: "I do not hold grandparents to be glorified babysitters but rather as parents' surrogates who bring love, a continuance of generational values, and a sense of the child's worth to the integrity of the family.... I was brought up by a grandparent. My parents both worked outside the home for most of my life. They needed to for economic reasons. It was my grandmother who nurtured me, gave me a sense of worth and molded in many ways the course my life was to take. My grandmother was my role model, my mentor, and my confidant."

While Mother's Day and Father's Day have apostrophes, officially Grandparents Day does not. It seems this may have simply been an oversight when the holiday was proclaimed. But it's an oversight that serves the holiday well. Mrs. McQuade did not envision the holiday as "belonging" to grandparents. Instead, she saw it as a day of celebration involving the whole family, a day to connect the generations. It's just as much a day to honor grandparents as it is a day for grandparents themselves to confirm their loving legacy to the generations that follow them.

The Legacy Continues

Mrs. McQuade's interest and concern for seniors seems to have been sparked by her own grandmother. "After working all day on the farm, Grandma would walk off to visit elderly people in the community," she recalls. "Often I would tag along. I never forgot talking with those delightful people. That's where my love and respect for oldsters started."

Mrs. McQuade's legacy is now being carried on by many of her children and grandchildren, some of whom work on the National Grandparents Day Council. One daughter and one granddaughter acted as spokespersons last year.

Daughter Ruth McQuade is a trial attorney for the US Department of Justice. She says her mother's legacy to her is two-fold: "She was always talking about the connection to all our relatives. She was always keeping records on grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins -- where they had come from and what they had done. She also impressed upon me at an early age the importance of grandparents and the elderly. I remember making speeches at 4-H about it at a very early age."

It's clear she's also very proud of her mother: "My mother worked long and hard to establish a Grandparents Day. She was a one-woman effort. I'm glad she stuck with it. I'm glad a lot of good things are coming out of it."

Lailah Salimi is Marian McQuade's 19-year-old granddaughter. She is a West Virginia University student and was honored to be able to step in for her grandmother as an official voice for National Grandparents Day. "My grandmother fought to get shut-ins noticed," she says. "When I was little, my grandmother took me to visit shut-ins. I want to carry forward what my grandmother worked so hard for, especially National Grandparents Day."

When asked about memories of her grandmother, it's evident that Mrs. McQuade was a strong role model. Says Lailah, "My grandmother was very free-spirited, feisty, and very caring and nurturing toward others."

Lailah also has fond memories of visits: "Whenever I'd go over to my grandmother's, we'd look at the coins she collected and sort them by year into bags. She was fascinated by coins and the year they represented. One of the things we did was find the coin with the year we were born."

And Lailah Salimi has a message for today's children: "You can learn a lot more from grandparents than you think you can -- and it's not a chore."

Any Day is a Good Day for Grandparents Day

National Grandparents Day is an important official marker of intergenerational relationships. But increasingly, schools and community groups are organizing Grandparents Day (or Intergenerational Day) events at any time during the year as a way to bring together families and build community. Children have an opportunity to show their appreciation and love toward their grandparents (and other special older adult friends), and grandparents feel valued as their role is validated. These events can also be a stepping-stone for creating long-term intergenerational programs (see the Intergenerational Mentoring section in this kit).

Schools, in particular, can play a leadership role in bringing together the generations for mutual benefit. Schools play a central role in society. They are the places where children spend the majority of their time outside the home and are the one institution through which most children pass in one form or another. From their earliest existence, schools have served as places where unifying values could be celebrated by the community and reinforced with the young.

Schools cannot reunite grandparents with children at home. But they can provide a link with the older generation and validate intergenerational relationships. Older adults, and grandparents in particular, often feel like second-class citizens. A Grandparents Day event gives them social standing. The event says, "You're important to your grandchildren, to this community, and to the future."

Intergenerational relationships are restorative. They bring together what technology, mobility, and age grouping have pulled apart. A society that cuts off older people from meaningful contact with children is greatly endangered. In the presence of old and young, past and future merge in the present. As well, our individual well-being, the vitality of our communities, and the economic health of the entire country are linked to the quality of the education system. When older adults participate in the education system to provide much-needed support for children, and those children then succeed in life, we all benefit.

With the aging of society, children and schools potentially stand to be large beneficiaries -- provided schools can become more effective at building a profile within the older population, improve their ability to attract local older volunteers, and use them in ways that both meet the immediate needs of children and help strengthen the school. A Grandparents Day event welcomes older adults into the school. For many older adults looking in from the outside, schools may appear to be a significant resource drain on public money and of no direct or indirect benefit to them. But once you invite grandparents in, their perspective changes.

Reconnecting generations through schools also affords children academic benefits. We tend to believe that as part of children's education, information and insights from the past are worthy and perhaps even essential. But the problem is that too much of what we teach children has become disconnected and impersonal. Grandparents are a powerful way to make information and ideas personal and meaningful again.

Bringing grandparents into the school also opens the door to exploring life course and aging issues with children. School can become a place that truly prepares young people to live their entire lives, planning for and working to understand their entire life course. Children can also be taught that older people are valuable and contributing members of society. Old and young can enjoy and learn from each other, looking at their similarities and differences. Finally, we can educate today's younger generation so that as they themselves age, they do so successfully and effectively.

Forty years ago, the 1961 White House Conference on Aging endorsed the need for aging education in schools. Since then, there has been a steady increase in the number of efforts to get aging content into school curricula. But progress has been slow. A number of barriers have been identified: 1) Aging is a nontraditional topic and one that some have argued is an "extra" when there are more important topics to teach; 2) There have been relatively few materials and resources available to effectively teach the subject; 3) Many teachers lack the training to teach about aging and life course topics; 4) Many teachers are not interested in aging -- and, in fact, must confront their own stereotypes about aging and older adults; and 5) Teachers are overburdened and haven't perceived aging activities and information as being related to or facilitating established curricular elements -- and they are hesitant to change or add to what they're required to teach. A Grandparents Day event is a first step toward addressing these barriers, opening dialogue, and building toward aging/life course education and intergenerational programs.

Event Goals

A Grandparents Day event can involve both biological grandparents and "grandfriends" or other older adult mentors. It can be a celebration of the generations and the special relationships between them. These are some of the goals you may want to keep in mind as you're planning your event:

1. Give children an opportunity to show their appreciation and love for their grandparents (or other significant older people in their lives).

2. Give grandparents an opportunity to show their love and caring for their grandchildren.

3. Create "a memory" -- an enjoyable, memorable experience for children and their grandparents.

4. Honor older adults and give them validation in their role of grandparent (or "grandfriend" or mentor). Grandparents need to know that they can and are making a difference in the lives of younger generations.

5. Give older adults a chance to share some of their life experiences with their own grandchildren and other children, and expose children to the information and guidance older people can offer. Older people want to make a difference in the lives of those that follow. A sense of legacy is a basic human need.

6. Make children and adults -- especially parents and teachers -- aware of the strengths of older people, and confront some of the stereotypes we often hold toward aging and older adulthood.

7. Encourage and support long-term, mutually-supportive, caring intergenerational relationships. Grandparents will appreciate any concrete ideas and resources you provide to help them build and maintain a connection with the young.

8. Give grandparents an opportunity to see firsthand what children are doing in today's schools and meet the teachers. The education system has to be made real and relevant to older adults.

9. Foster community relations and boost family involvement in schools. Children whose families -- parents and grandparents -- are involved in their education learn better. Schools get much needed additional support.

10. Encourage older adults to fulfill a social role and responsibility by volunteering in schools and acting as mentors, which benefits children and can transform a beleaguered education system.

11. By doing activities leading up to and then after the event, expose children to new ideas from a historical, multigenerational, and life course perspective.

12. Create a community that remembers its history as it builds its future. Young and old can find wisdom and inspiration in each other to deal with complex problems.

By running a Grandparents Day event -- by validating older adults and demonstrating to children that the relationships they have with older adults are worthwhile -- you are making a statement. It is a statement that will ripple through society -- and maybe even turn into a wave.